From Couch to Half Marathon!?

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We’ve all seen the meme, and most of us really understand it.  Running sucks. There’s a reason why they make a variety of t-shirts that say such.  But yet, many of us still want to try. We WANT to be runners. Runners, so effortlessly gliding across the pavement, with their defined quads and toned derrieres, chatting with their friends using less breath than I do while sitting on my couch.   Runners somehow seem superior.  They’re more advanced, with their gazelle like speed and their freakishly toned abs; they must be good at everything they do. I assume they all have jobs they excel at, which they actually enjoy, all while making millions.  With their super model spouse and 2.5 kids, they still find time to stay so fit.  With this image, its no wonder we want to start running.

So, we try.   We set that alarm for 5:45 (because 5:30 just seems cruel and unusual- but than again, so does anything before 6), drink water, forgo our second glass of nightly wine, and head to bed early.  But alas, the sun rises and we realize, shit, we did it again- slept through the alarm (because, again, 5:45) and now we’re late for work!  So, we try again (this time with two alarms).  Giving up this second glass of wine is already getting harder (day 2.).  5:45 happens; we hear the alarm this time (probably because we didn’t sleep because we were so anxious about A. having to get up early and B. actually having to run). But it’s cold, it’s dark, my bed is warm, and I’m still tired; isn’t sleep supposed to be just as important!?

Day 2. fail.

Day 3. Now we’re just feeling bad about ourselves; pathetic, you literally can’t even get out of bed.  So, we take a step back.  We decide that baby steps are going to have to be the only approach to this.  We set the alarm for 5:45 ALONG with the coffee.  We say, all we have to do is actually get up!  That’s it! Feat #1.  Get yo ass outta bed!  Day 3. We succeed.  Coffee in hand we move to the couch and watch the local news, waiting for Savannah and Hoda to come on and do their thing.

Day 4-7.  We’re really getting super good at this running thing. Oh, wait, we haven’t actually gone for a run yet.

Day 8.  Today is the day.  We get up with ease well before the sun, we no longer find this as inhumane as stripping in front of TSA.  We sip just a bit of our coffee, and lace up the ‘ol tennies.  It’s time.  Off we go.

Day 9.  2 miles wasn’t terrrrrrible I guess.  And we did feel better throughout the day. Required less coffee even WITH the earlier wake up time. Did we even sleep better!?  Ok, we might be able to get use to this.

Running sucks guys, but you know what sucks even more? Getting up early.  But, let me tell you, once you start you’ll become one of those assholes that says “it actually is really addicting.  I just love my morning run, can’t start my day without” ummm, exSqueeze me!? Yea, you’ll become that jerk in no time. Congrats.

**In all seriousness running does feel amazing- even though it blows at first (there’s just no way around that unless you were born alien- like some people I know).  But it has incredible physical and mental health benefits and I encourage you all to try and get into it.  Remember you don’t have to run a marathon. 5k’s are great.  Also, you can obviously run at whatever time of day you choose, but I will say running in the morning has significantly reduced my risk of death by pedestrian vs auto, 10 fold. But, you do you champ.

***I am not a trainer.  You may not want to actually take any of my advice.

****ok serious again- I did use Hal Higdon’s 12 week half marathon training program  (http://www.halhigdon.com/training/51130/Half-Marathon-Training-Guide) and religiously stuck to it, because any break in my routine and I was 2 packs of ramen, 1 bottle of wine and 3 chick flicks off the wagon.  So, I highly recommend a few things: Correct shoes, find a program that works for you and stick with it no ifs ands or buts, a friend (misery LOVES company), and telling everyone so they hold you accountable (I don’t recommend it but if you MUST, become one of those obnoxious people on social media).

Good luck guys and gals!

Me dying on my first half marathon:

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